Broken & Whole
Updated: Aug 25, 2020
Today, August 4th, is Single Working Women's Day.
My name is Emma Rose Roldan Eremiyski & this is the first time in over a decade that I'm commemorating it. Observing today was not part of my plan after I got married 7 years ago.
Although being a single "divorcee" was not a title I ever expected to have, it forced me to fall into my rightful place as God's daughter, through my big brother, Jesus Christ, who is an awesome role model for how to love & pursue right relationships as a sister & friend with the Holy Spirit's guidance. On a daily basis my Abba papa (God), brother Jesus & friend, the Holy Spirit, are healing my relationship with work, as a working woman. This post is the story of how things started to break apart, but are falling even more into place in Him. Follow along if you'd like or enter the journey of messy healing in Him for yourself if you'd like His good, good, oh so good, golden healing.
The past year has been pretty wild for me (as I'm sure it has been for everyone else in some way!). A year & 1 month ago on July 4th, my then husband & I celebrated our 6 years of being married & 11 year anniversary. It was a wholesome Fourth of July with my siblings, nephews & niece at the beach. Within days after the holiday, we went to an addiction therapy session & halfway through he interrupted to say he was done trying to overcome anything & was ready to not be married anymore. July 27th he moved out & in November I filed after being denied on 3 different occasions that we redirect our efforts toward restoration.
This was not supposed to be happening to me. I had done everything every girl who grew up in the church & psychology-trained student was told that you should do before getting married & while married to stay married. Date for many years to make sure you know the person well & ensure balance in personality & temperament ✅. Go through pre-martial counseling to ensure alignment in all areas & core values to decrease the likelihood of divorce ✅. Take a Financial Peace University class to prepare to join finances ✅. Take communication classes together & continue practicing "I" statements & listening skills ✅. But, I've learned you can't control another person's actions & sometimes those actions will cause pain for you or growth away from you. In this case, I had to face reality that life was not going to go as planned & my growing dream of having children of our own was no longer obtainable.
In December, I went on a road trip that we were supposed to go on together with my big Roldan family. It was my first family trip where I slept in the same room as my younger college-aged cousins because I no longer needed a room for just my husband & me. The trip was full of great memories, but something crazy happened. On the way up from Southern California, up the Lake Tahoe mountains, the brake line to my Toyota SUV broke in a blizzard, which led to me being stranded in the area past Christmas. Since the AirBnb could not be extended, I needed to find a place to stay nearby until the brake part would be delivered from the East Coast.
By the grace of God, He had provided me a wonderful place to stay. A believing friend from my day job had recently moved to Roseville, a city not too far from Lake Tahoe, to open a new office for our company. We had already been in communication that week because of the "Jesus Calling" devotional she gifted me, so I asked her if she would be open to letting me work & stay with her until my car was ready in a week or two. I ended up being stranded through New Years Eve (so long were my exciting plans to ring in the new decade!) & on top of that, I got sick & needed to stay in through the night.
I was devastated & as I reflected on the last three decades of my life, I felt hopeless. I had a tough first decade reacting to a temperamental & at times abusive or absent military father. The second decade was even worse as I tried to self-harm then self-heal through work from unexpected violations & assault, & the last decade was painful going through deep love & loss in divorce & abandonment. Honestly, I felt like in many ways I was always undergoing a "Job" season to some degree. Where I felt I did my best to always do things right, but for some reason I felt like a victim with what was happening to me. (Later I learned that the Lord was keeping me "stuck" & unable to visit my ex for the New Year's party he invited me to out of the blue.)
It was there that God decided to not only have a word for me, but to give me a midnight redemption's kiss. While I was sitting on my friend's guest bed, He turned my attention to her nightstand where there was a bible sitting under a stack of books. He told me to start in the beginning - Genesis 1:1. In Genesis, He taught me that from the beginning, the powers of darkness have been working to break apart & harm families through mistrust in Him starting with Adam & Eve in the garden to their son Cain killing Able. He told me it wasn't His plan, the same way it wasn't His plan for my life to feel so painful & heart-breaking through my male family relationships. But, He told to remember the truth of His heart to redeem, restore, & renew His Kingdom on earth to make things right.
He reminded me that in Genesis 50:20, Joseph said to his brothers, “You meant evil against me, but God used it for good.” And, in Romans 8:28 (AMP), "We know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan & purpose."
At that point, He invited me to give Him the next 30 years of my life fully. So, I've jumped in with more reckless abandon than ever before. To the point where I'm sharing the video of that New Year's night of revelation. The Holy Spirit prompted me to video it. It's not pretty (in fact, it's heart-breaking, so please don't watch it unless you're a season of pain & want to hear that you're not alone). Toward the end of it, I shared, "I'm excited for whatever healing journey God's going to have not just for me, but for every single woman, girl, child, teenager out there going through something whether it's with someone in their family or someone who they chose to be family. There's a lot of brokenness & I see that & I see you - whoever ends up watching this. There in the brokenness is light."
I created Whole Health Foundation to share the journey, connect brothers & sisters healing together, & build projects to share that light in a broken world. God has also called me into a new season ahead, which has me championing the work of Keep it Sacred Sister (KISS) for sexual assault, abused, & trafficked survivors. Hence, you will see portions of proceeds on various projects going toward their efforts. I also plan to use my background in positive psychology & business experience in talent & change management to help build research & evidence-based programs & products for those pursuing whole health in Him. The current project I'm feeling called to create is 📔 The Sanctified Life Journal & Planner, which is a 3-in-1 morning & evening bullet journal & planner that helps keep whole health mindful check-ins & habits alive for the journaler, while also supporting others' journeys by contributing funds & data to Christian healing research.
This blog is for anyone who wants to be encouraged in their pursuit of whole health & healing broken pieces with Him. Content will include revelations found in His word about healing to knowledge from the psychology of resilience & thriving to help you stay inspired in your lifelong pursuit of healing & growth in whole health - emotionally, spiritually, mentally & physically.
My Abba papa wants me to let anyone who has suffered from trauma, be it from abuse to violations or assault to abandonment, to know that you're not alone & that He IS the golden glue to healing & wholeness if you invite Him to be. He makes broken things beautiful in ways only He could. You can learn more about my Sacred Story on KISS where I share that hope & joy are still possible when you give your trauma & pain to God. Be whole,